So stressed

so today 

i told my mum about my decision

about being a christian

to prepare for it was nothing like what i ever have to do

i was more stressful than going on stage

i was heavier than any presentation

i was more tense than any exam

before i told her

i got some advice from my friends

which help a lot

thx 

i actually wanted to withdraw from the idea in the afternoon

wasn't ready for the outcome

the bad ones

but the urge to tell them is so strong

to want to go to church in the open

to do things in the light

to not further make excuse

create more secrets and lies

so her reaction was rather expected

she declined my question why a simple "no"

no yelling, no shouting

with that she said she been through the same thing my age

and that i'm still young to actually make up my mind and commit

and that should focus on my studies before all else

she doesn't sound against it

just not yet given the green light for now

i guess it could have gotten worse

compared to what my friends told me

but hearing what she said

i must say i agree to what she said

that i'm young and i should focus on my studies

i guess i just have to wait 

however

i still don't feel stress free after tell her

and hearing her answer

so stressed....